Unstable rages

I used to be a person who looked at the glass as half full, never close to being empty. But the rages were breaking me down.  He consistently did two things that drove me farther and farther away, verbally lash out with the ugliest words when he got angry, and demand constant attention.  I was called 'cunt' 'whore', consistently told I would never make it in life without him. If we were both in separate rooms anywhere in the house doing anything, he would make as much noise as possible to alert me to his disgust over whatever issue he was focused on at the moment. If I did not answer him immediately, and run to 'find out' what was wrong, I got attacked with the verbal crap. Years later, when I had my son, I finally got a taste from his mother, why this was the case. "Oh, you will do with Jared what I did with my son, it never mattered what he said or how long he took to say it or what he wanted to express or explain to me, I just sat there like a good mother does and listened and nodded my head in approval".
"Oh my blankety blank blank God" I thought. This explained so much!
It took me forever to learn that my 'husband' did not want a wife to partner with, he wanted a Mommy to care for him and dote on every word.  I was getting so very tired of the attention getting behavior.  I made a mental note to stop responding all together when he would raise his voice in another room, the usual signal for me to come running and listen or get lectured, and this simply ramped up the abuse. He would come find me. He would follow me around the house lecturing me, berating me, and start to push me and shove me.  Still I stayed. I was trying. He could be so utterly charming and disarm me in a moment's notice, and the good girl at the time I was (yes, you read that right, I have rebelled, I am no longer a good girl and for good reasons) kept me hanging on.  He will grow up, he will change, it will get better.
The rages were awful. He would just go off and least when expected.  I would be forced to listen to the screaming and yelling and then came the unbearable lectures for hours.  It was A) always my fault, B) what I needed to do to change it, C) what was wrong with me was.....fill in the blank.
A person gets worn down, and begins to believe all these lies.  They begin to feel worthless, invaluable and the gas lighting undermines your belief in all you know and have done. He excelled in this.

More to come....